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I wish the resurrection of our lord and savior was deemed important enough for a day off work

After Jesus, you're my second-favorite Jew

Drag a pagan to church this Easter

Easter may be the wrong time to tell my parents you're a Jew

Let's resume everything we gave up for Lent without any newfound spiritual insights

Please join us for Easter dinner unless you've already committed to Satan

Happy Easter from one lapsed Catholic to another

I'd love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist

The Easter Bunny still scares the living shit out of me

Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross

Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord's promise means I'm saved and you're not

I hope the abundant Easter symbols of fertility and rebirth will remind us to fuck like bunnies

There are few former carpenters I admire more than Jesus Christ and Harrison Ford

Let's just relax tonight and watch The Passion of the Christ

Don't take it personally this April if your lord and savior's return is less anticipated than that of Tiger Woods

It would take a lot more than 30 pieces of silver for me to betray you to murderous authorities unless we were in a major recession

You're old enough to be told that the Easter Bunny and Jesus aren't real

May this finally be the year your Messiah returns to earth

I'm glad health care reform passed just in time for me to return to the deathly vices I gave up for Lent

Sorry I said TGIF on the anniversary of your god's son's violent execution

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