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A nice Jewish man rising from the dead seems less miraculous than finding one I can date

After Jesus, you're my second-favorite Jew

I hope you have a better Good Friday than Jesus did

Drag a pagan to church this Easter

It would take a lot more than 30 pieces of silver for me to betray you to murderous authorities unless we were in a major recession

Easter may be the wrong time to tell my parents you're a Jew

Let's celebrate the end of Lent by doing everything we pretended to give up for Lent

Let's resume everything we gave up for Lent without any newfound spiritual insights

It's too bad Ryan Gosling wasn't around to save Jesus.

Please join us for Easter dinner unless you've already committed to Satan

May this finally be the year your Messiah returns to earth

Happy Easter from one lapsed Catholic to another

Easter reminds me of how boring my death will probably be

I'd love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist

I wish the resurrection of our lord and savior was deemed important enough for a day off work

The Easter Bunny still scares the living shit out of me

Sorry people are more excited about the resurrection of Titanic than the resurrection of your Lord and Savior

Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross

I wish I was resurrected from the dead on Sunday so I had an excuse for taking off work on Monday

Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord's promise means I'm saved and you're not

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