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    Celebrating 4/20 has made me hungrier than Jesus after not eating for 3 days.

    Celebrating 4/20 has made me hungrier than Jesus after not eating for 3 days.

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    Sorry the body of Christ isn't gluten-free.

    Sorry the body of Christ isn't gluten-free.

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    I wonder if Jesus will make a special appearance on The Walking Dead this Sunday.

    I wonder if Jesus will make a special appearance on The Walking Dead this Sunday.

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    Jesus regrets dying for you.

    Jesus regrets dying for you.

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    I was just told my Internet would be down for 15 minutes so I guess I know how Jesus must have felt before the crucifixion.

    I was just told my Internet would be down for 15 minutes so I guess I know how Jesus must have felt before the crucifixion.

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    If not for Halloween, Easter would be my favorite zombie-related holiday.

    If not for Halloween, Easter would be my favorite zombie-related holiday.

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    My favorite Easter activity is stealing my child's chocolate bunny and mercilessly gnawing off its ears and head in a secluded place.

    My favorite Easter activity is stealing my child's chocolate bunny and mercilessly gnawing off its ears and head in a secluded place.

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    I ran out of tampons so I'm using a Peep.

    I ran out of tampons so I'm using a Peep.

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    I can't wait to hide all the Easter candy for the kids inside my stomach.

    I can't wait to hide all the Easter candy for the kids inside my stomach.

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    Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross.

    Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross

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    May your discussion of gay marriage during Easter brunch be less tense than U.S. relations with North Korea.

    May your discussion of gay marriage during Easter brunch be less tense than U.S. relations with North Korea.

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    Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord's promise means I'm saved and you're not.

    Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord's promise means I'm saved and you're not

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    I'm sorry your celebration of 4/20 has gotten in the way of remembering where you hid the Easter eggs.

    I'm sorry your celebration of 4/20 has gotten in the way of remembering where you hid the Easter eggs.

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    There are few former carpenters I admire more than Jesus Christ and Harrison Ford.

    There are few former carpenters I admire more than Jesus Christ and Harrison Ford

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    I'd love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist.

    I'd love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist

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    Let's just relax tonight and watch The Passion of the Christ.

    Let's just relax tonight and watch The Passion of the Christ

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    May Jesus forgive me for what I do to my parents' bathroom after eating 17 slices of ham.

    May Jesus forgive me for what I do to my parents' bathroom after eating 17 slices of ham.

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    Let's celebrate the end of Lent by doing everything we pretended to give up for Lent.

    Let's celebrate the end of Lent by doing everything we pretended to give up for Lent

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    Let's take a break from debating gay marriage to remember an unmarried 33-year-old man who hung out with 12 dudes.

    Let's take a break from debating gay marriage to remember an unmarried 33-year-old man who hung out with 12 dudes.

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    A nice Jewish man rising from the dead seems less miraculous than finding one I can date.

    A nice Jewish man rising from the dead seems less miraculous than finding one I can date

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