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    Sorry the body of Christ isn't gluten-free.

    Sorry the body of Christ isn't gluten-free.

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    Jesus regrets dying for you.

    Jesus regrets dying for you.

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    I wonder if Jesus will make a special appearance on The Walking Dead this Sunday.

    I wonder if Jesus will make a special appearance on The Walking Dead this Sunday.

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    If not for Halloween, Easter would be my favorite zombie-related holiday.

    If not for Halloween, Easter would be my favorite zombie-related holiday.

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    My favorite Easter activity is stealing my child's chocolate bunny and mercilessly gnawing off its ears and head in a secluded place.

    My favorite Easter activity is stealing my child's chocolate bunny and mercilessly gnawing off its ears and head in a secluded place.

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    I was just told my Internet would be down for 15 minutes so I guess I know how Jesus must have felt before the crucifixion.

    I was just told my Internet would be down for 15 minutes so I guess I know how Jesus must have felt before the crucifixion.

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    I ran out of tampons so I'm using a Peep.

    I ran out of tampons so I'm using a Peep.

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    I'd love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist.

    I'd love to decorate Easter eggs with you or a slightly better artist

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    Let's take a break from debating gay marriage to remember an unmarried 33-year-old man who hung out with 12 dudes.

    Let's take a break from debating gay marriage to remember an unmarried 33-year-old man who hung out with 12 dudes.

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    Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross.

    Adorable candy will help distract us from the astounding horror of a man being nailed to a cross

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    This 4/20, let's smoke enough pot to find the story of Easter believable.

    This 4/20, let's smoke enough pot to find the story of Easter believable.

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    Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord's promise means I'm saved and you're not.

    Sorry the fulfillment of the Lord's promise means I'm saved and you're not

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    A real miracle would be Jesus turning water into less expensive gasoline.

    A real miracle would be Jesus turning water into less expensive gasoline

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    There are few former carpenters I admire more than Jesus Christ and Harrison Ford.

    There are few former carpenters I admire more than Jesus Christ and Harrison Ford

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    Sorry Jesus's resurrection is being overshadowed by Mrs. Doubtfire's.

    Sorry Jesus's resurrection is being overshadowed by Mrs. Doubtfire's.

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    Let's just relax tonight and watch The Passion of the Christ.

    Let's just relax tonight and watch The Passion of the Christ

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    I'm sorry your celebration of 4/20 has gotten in the way of remembering where you hid the Easter eggs.

    I'm sorry your celebration of 4/20 has gotten in the way of remembering where you hid the Easter eggs.

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    Let's celebrate the end of Lent by doing everything we pretended to give up for Lent.

    Let's celebrate the end of Lent by doing everything we pretended to give up for Lent

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    May your discussion of gay marriage during Easter brunch be less tense than U.S. relations with North Korea.

    May your discussion of gay marriage during Easter brunch be less tense than U.S. relations with North Korea.

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    A nice Jewish man rising from the dead seems less miraculous than finding one I can date.

    A nice Jewish man rising from the dead seems less miraculous than finding one I can date

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