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    When work feels overwhelming, remember that you're going to die.

    When work feels overwhelming, remember that you're going to die

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    I'd like to offer moral support but I have questionable morals.

    I'd like to offer moral support but I have questionable morals

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    Let's stop rushing to find husbands and start rushing to freeze our eggs.

    Let's stop rushing to find husbands and start rushing to freeze our eggs

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    Your presentation will be inspirational for anyone actually listening.

    Your presentation will be inspirational for anyone actually listening

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    If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you should do it the way I told you to in the beginning.

    If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you should do it the way I told you to in the beginning.

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    You are one stack of shit away from an episode of hoarders.

    You are one stack of shit away from an episode of hoarders.

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    Remember, it's just a test. If you fuck up, it doesn't mean you're a fuckup. That said, try not to fuck this up. It's pretty important.

    Remember, it's just a test. If you fuck up, it doesn't mean you're a fuckup. That said, try not to fuck this up. It's pretty important

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    I'm so proud and jealous of you.

    I'm so proud and jealous of you

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    I'm confident your brains will help you pass the bar exam and your tits will help you win cases.

    I'm confident your brains will help you pass the bar exam and your tits will help you win cases

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    Get your shit together.

    Get your shit together

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    May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.

    May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.

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    I have no doubt you'll be gainfully employed and in the mood to have sex with me in no time.

    I have no doubt you'll be gainfully employed and in the mood to have sex with me in no time

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    Don't hold back from getting another finger in there.

    Don't hold back from getting another finger in there

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    Plenty of people don't win the lottery the first few thousand times they play.

    Plenty of people don't win the lottery the first few thousand times they play

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    Your performance will be great or I'll just pretend it was.

    Your performance will be great or I'll just pretend it was

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    Don't give up on the dreams you never had.

    Don't give up on the dreams you never had

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    If I had your penis I'd think with it, too.

    If I had your penis I'd think with it, too.

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    That outfit would go great with a personality.

    That outfit would go great with a personality

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    Just wanted to wish you luck on the bar exam and remind you it's still my dream to marry a doctor or lawyer.

    Just wanted to wish you luck on the bar exam and remind you it's still my dream to marry a doctor or lawyer

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    Glad you've started to recognize your raging, long-term, absurdly obvious alcoholism.

    Glad you've started to recognize your raging, long-term, absurdly obvious alcoholism

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