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When work feels overwhelming, remember that you're going to die

I'd like to offer moral support but I have questionable morals

If bedbugs can go from homes to places of business, maybe you can too

Get your shit together

Remember, it's just a test. If you fuck up, it doesn't mean you're a fuckup. That said, try not to fuck this up. It's pretty important

I'm so proud and jealous of you

You'll be moving your bowels again in no time

You're surprisingly well-educated for an American

I'm confident your brains will help you pass the bar exam and your tits will help you win cases

Your presentation will be inspirational for anyone actually listening

Quit smoking, you fucking moron

I have no doubt you'll be gainfully employed and in the mood to have sex with me in no time

I hope you pass the bar exam and get me probation for my eventual DUIs

You should take up a real sport

If you quit smoking, I promise to develop an oral fixation

What you do for a living isn't important

You're really fun when it's not appropriate to be

Try to wash your hands when one of them has just been near your asshole

You're a very pretty guy

Good luck deluding someone into hiring you

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