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    Best of luck on your weight becoming as low as your self-esteem.

    Best of luck on your weight becoming as low as your self-esteem.

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    Any man would be lucky to have and objectify you.

    Any man would be lucky to have and objectify you.

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    I bet you'd be surprised at how often people don't think about you.

    I bet you'd be surprised at how often people don't think about you.

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    One day you'll learn that I never learn.

    One day you'll learn that I never learn.

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    You're the reason nobody likes you.

    You're the reason nobody likes you.

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    Maybe you should consider keeping your selfies to yourself.

    Maybe you should consider keeping your selfies to yourself.

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    All the good women out there are either married, gay, or turned off by my numerous physical and emotional flaws.

    All the good women out there are either married, gay, or turned off by my numerous physical and emotional flaws.

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    May you someday work as hard at your job as you do at CrossFit.

    May you someday work as hard at your job as you do at CrossFit.

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    Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.

    Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.

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    Now is always a good time to wait until later.

    Now is always a good time to wait until later.

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    In the interests of reaching a healthy weight, I'll be switching from pot to coke.

    In the interests of reaching a healthy weight, I'll be switching from pot to coke.

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    My entire goal in life is to show my friends who are not single how awesome being single is.

    My entire goal in life is to show my friends who are not single how awesome being single is.

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    It's never too late to give up.

    It's never too late to give up.

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    I genuinely care about whatever it is you've been complaining about for the past hour.

    I genuinely care about whatever it is you've been complaining about for the past hour.

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    May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.

    May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.

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    There's a person or three cats out there for everyone.

    There's a person or three cats out there for everyone.

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    If I had your penis I'd think with it, too.

    If I had your penis I'd think with it, too.

  •  

    That outfit would go great with a personality.

    That outfit would go great with a personality

  •  

    You're surprisingly well-educated for an American.

    You're surprisingly well-educated for an American

  •  

    Best of luck to Yahoo on explaining to its users what Tumblr is.

    Best of luck to Yahoo on explaining to its users what Tumblr is.

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