Best of luck finishing a marathon that doesn't involve episodes of Law & Order
Let's stop rushing to find husbands and start rushing to freeze our eggs
I'm confident your brains will help you pass the bar exam and your tits will help you win cases
Don't ever give up on trying to make a pint of Ben & Jerry's last more than one sitting
I bet you'll meet someone as soon as you stop thinking about it, which is to say, probably never
I hope you can handle the pressures of a burgeoning Twitter following
I hope your new source of income won't be the same one you had in high school
I have no doubt you'll be gainfully employed and in the mood to have sex with me in no time
I hope you're the least fat, bald, broke, embarrassingly drunk person at your high school reunion
I hope you pass the bar exam and get me probation for my eventual DUIs
Let's celebrate finishing the bar exam by doing things that could get us disbarred
Good luck passing the bar exam and my deepest early condolences if you don't
Good luck deluding someone into hiring you
I've come up with some great ideas on how to make you a better person
You're surprisingly well-educated for an American
I hear yoga does amazing things for people who incessantly glorify yoga
Carpe diem before the glaciers drown us