George and Amal Clooney are expecting twins, People reports, which means we got two sets of celebrity twin announcements in two weeks. For those of us for whom obsessing over the personal lives of celebrities allow us to escape from the chafing of existence and the horrible news that fills our feeds, it is a blessed day indeed. For everyone else, today probably still sucked. But when you have good news, like the fact that two very attractive and smart people (okay, at least Amal is definitely very smart), baby you gotta cling on to it. And cling hard.
Which may lead you to do something unfortunate like this:
I have a hard enough time wrapping my head around how awesome it would be to be a twin (seems like it would be very cool always and I can't think of a single reason it would be bad). But can you imagine being George and Amal Clooney's twins? They are going to have a fun life, splitting their time between the Clooney's three homes in L.A., Italy and England and being very well-connected and posh.
Sometimes, when I'm on the subway or walking down the street in Manhattan, I see a city child. And you know a city child when you see one. A city child is impossibly cool, even though they are probably not older than four years old. They are wearing clothes that look like tiny versions of something you could buy at Topman, probably including little jogger sweatpants. Their sneakers are very on-trend, just miniature. And the way they might hold onto the subway pole or ride their scooter is so blasé that they appear to have the casual chillness of someone who has never been impressed in their entire life. Because you can't impress a city child. They've seen it all. When a city child is born, it is already cooler than you or I were when we first bought a funky vintage jacket or got into Animal Collective or learned what a pour over is. George and Amal's twins will be city children. So will Beyonce and Jay-Z's. Why do we even try?