Why do I never end up in wacky misunderstandings like this one?

In the immortal words of Bill Murray, "Yes, it's true. This man has no dick (in a picture that was captured on camera by paparazzi two weeks ago)." I might be paraphrasing somewhat.

I mean, if it was, you'd think he'd have figured out how to store it by now.

On August 8th, the Internet erupted in a tizzy when photos leaked from the set of Idris Elba's new film, Hundred Streets. No, not because the explosive chemistry between Elba and co-star Gemma Arterton—because it looked like Elba was rocking a five-dollar footlong in his bespoke trousers. You can read more about the hubbub over Stringer Bell's swinging balls in my article "No, that is not Idris Elba's dick." It was my contention, in answer to the rhetorical question posed by everyone, that unlike the notorious image of John Hamm walking the streets of NYC, this was not, in fact, a celebri-dong sighting. As Elba demonstrated last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, I was right:

So, I may not have been 100% right (I speculated it was a pack of Benson & Hedges cigarettes), but I was definitely righter than those who were fantasizing about Elba's tripod. Sorry, Internet. Looks like the only way you're going to see that is if Idris gets cast in the next season of Game of Thrones. He is British, though, so you never know.


(by Johnny McNulty)