On Wednesday morning, The Today Show revealed People's "Most Beautiful Woman" of 2016, and it's Jennifer Aniston. Wooooo! Crowd goes wild. Crowd stops to think about it. Crowd remembers, "Wasn't she already their 'Most Beautiful Woman,' like 10 years ago? Have they run out of beautiful women?"

Congratulations on winning People's "Most Likely To Never Change Her Hair."

The crowd is correct (and completely made up)—Jennifer Aniston was People's Most Beautiful Woman in 2004. Sure, she's beautiful, but come on, People, aren't there any other women you'd maybe like to feature? Ones that aren't quite so…Jennifer Aniston? It's true that she's aging spectacularly, in that she isn't really aging at all, but choosing her just feels so uninspired, and uninspiring. On the one hand, they've chosen a woman who's almost 50 years old, which is great. On the other, it's still Jennifer Aniston, the Beige Queen of Boringville.


In People's accompanying interview, the 47-year-old says that she was "very, very flattered," (two verys, so you know it's real) and that "There was this sort of very excited, teenage-y kind of moment." According to People, "she's learned to embrace her appearance over the years" and "insists she feels her best when she's healthy and strong." Okay, hold up. "Learned to embrace her appearance"? The appearance that has earned her millions of dollars and a lifetime of fame? That one? That's what she's "learned to embrace"? That's like "learning to embrace" winning the lottery. And why is she insisting that she feels good when she's healthy? Is anyone challenging that statement? "No, Jennifer, don't lie—you totally feel your best when you're sick and weak." So many questions, so few answers. The only thing anyone knows for sure is that yes, Aniston is beautiful, and no, she's not ever going to change her hairstyle ever again.