Most of us will never have the privilege of petting Kim Kardashian's breasts—unless, omg, is that what subscribing to her app gets you?—but now, we can all vicariously experience their exquisite softness. Caity Weaver, who interviewed Kim for GQ this month, was asked by the reality TV queen if she wanted to cop a feel. Weaver wisely replied, "Yup."

Here's how Weaver describes Kardashian's luxurious chest (as only Weaver can):

Kim Kardashian West's boob is so soft it makes velvet feel like splinters. It makes the fur on a baby bunny's tummy feel like a plastic bag of syringes. It is so soft that touching it is like scooping up the delicate pink dawn sky with your fingers, or holding a ball of lotion in your hand. It is softer than the thick, warm, all-enveloping smoothness that caresses a globule of wax as it travels up a lava lamp.

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So there you have it. You have never touched anything as soft as Kim Kardashian's breast, and unless you're North, Saint, Kanye, or a lucky reporter, you never will.