Bachelor Donegotsnatched.

We all got really sad when Benedict Cumberbatch got engaged a few weeks ago, but among all of our jokes about Tumblr users going into an even deeper depression and coping with homoerotic gifs of Sherlock and Watson engaging in witty banter, we forgot the most important part of a wedding announcement: making fun of the groom-to-be's amazingly stupid name. Granted, we all had fun with Bednbreakfast Comfypants' bizarre and ultra-English name when he first became a superstar a few years ago, but over time we let it go. We really shouldn't have. There is, simply put, never a reason to stop taking Benadryl Computerglitch down a peg, especially as women and men across the Internet mourn the end of their chances to ever hear him whisper sweet nothingbatches in their ear. Well, this one UK newspaper didn't forget their responsibility, and we're forever in their Benedict Cumberdebt.

Red MS Paint circles: An Internet detective's calling card.

This excerpt of journalistic mastery was originally from (the tongue-in-cheek section of) the Forge Press, an independent student newspaper from the University of Sheffield. I guess I shouldn't be surprised; these student journalists have yet to have that urge beaten out of them to pursue the real story—the story of someone having a really funny name.

Bandicoot Curdledmilk.


(by Johnny McNulty)

Sources: redditor MrSmo | redditor antistrophe