Every weekend carries the chance that the world will be romantic or destroyed.
Many of us would like to live in movieland, but what are the real consequences of living there? Once a week, a new Universal Studios logo flies over Earth, covering the planet in darkness and kicking off some kind of adventure that never matches the ones that came out between that time Martha's Vineyard was called Amity Island and was eaten by a shark, and that time dinosaurs were real again. Then, suddenly, stars fly over the land to settle over the pyramid-shaped Paramount from which Patrick Swayze's greatest characters descended, as well as action heros that make no sense, like Hansel and Gretel. As night falls in New York, all the lights turn off of their own accord except for a few that spell out Miramax if you happen to be in a helicopter over the New Jersey side of the Hudson River, prompting precious 20-somethings everywhere to have emotional and "daring" coming-of-age stories. Finally, there's the terrifying martial drums that deafen L.A. as all spotlights point to the gigantic 20th Century Fox monolith dominating the land, requiring, as the 20th Century Fox logo always does, massive amounts of human sacrifice.
(by Johnny McNulty)