After the most excruciatingly weird red carpet interview in 84 years (mostly about his pet crows), Best Supporting Actor nominee Nick Nolte managed to find his seat, where he was free to attempt to figure out where he was and whether or not he should have brought a bigger flask. Before his blood-alcohol level reached 70% of his body, Nolte was even able to take the visual cues from those around him and do his best to have one hand make contact with the other. We're not sure which award he was "clapping" for and can only assume it was for himself not appearing in the montage of dead actors. The Oscars owes all of us an apology for not giving the world the opportunity to see this man make a speech.