Man, they really make it hahd to forget that the two Affleck brothers ah Boston boys. Ben had "The Town" and "Good Will Hunting," and now his khed brothah Casey's got that new one, "Manchestah By The Sea." You'd think they'd-ah lost theah dedication to the city now that they's all rich and famous, but those two douche bags like to hang around and make movies about ah shit town. Theah even diehahd Sahx fans, still! And the Sahx really suck these days.
Now, I'm allowed to make fun of Boston because I grew up in New England and lived in in the city for five years. All in all, I spent the first 24 years of my life there. That's wicked long if you think about it. So I had high standards for Saturday's SNL sketch about Dunkin' Donuts. But they really came through and perfectly nailed what a Boston jerk (also known as a Masshole) is like. In doing so, they also captured a brief glimpse at what my family's Thanksgiving and Christmas parties often look like.
With Casey Affleck hosting, you knew that Saturday Night Live was going to do something about his Boston roots. But they somehow managed to write the perfect sketch for Casey, who isn't just from Boston, he's also objectively a jerk. (Not sure if you know, but Casey Affleck was sued twice for sexual harassment in 2010, for incidents that occurred while filming Joaquin Phoenix's mockumentary I’m Still Here.) So, all in all, he was made for the role of a jerk who loves Dunkin' Donuts.
Dunkin' Donuts is a New England chain. You can't throw a styrofoam cup filled with Dunkaccino (that's a concoction that's half coffee, half hot chocolate that my mom used to get me after freezing cold soccer games) without hitting one of the establishments. And the thing about Dunkin' Donuts is that it's cheap and not very good. They don't aim for the same clientele that Starbucks is trying to reach, with their wifi and their green drinks and flat whites. No, Dunkin' is the everyman's coffee shop. It's the type of place that will make you hate yourself for even walking in the door. And then, as you sip your watery, sugary bullshit drink you'll think to yourself, "I deserve this." Their slogan is "America Runs on Dunkin'," which is correct in that America does basically run on self-hatred and bad choices.
If you want to learn a bit more about Boston culture, or maybe you're from Boston and you want to feel at home, watch the parody commercial and see for yourself what a real Masshole looks like. I feel like I know this guy. In fact, he's probably my uncle. And I'll say this: it's way easiah to watch this than gettin' on the pike and bookin' it all the way up ta Bean Town.