Please don't send this story to my wife!
Last week, I asked all of you to please send my wife a post about how being a kind-of-fat dude is somehow considered sexy these days, and it worked. You guys sent her the post, and she actually looked at my oddly shaped body with a little less repulsion than normal for a few days. Aw, it was great. I felt 35 again! I felt so only-a-little-bit-old.
Unfortunately, Kristin Schaal was on The Daily Show last night doing her best to pop society's bubble of delusion concerning this laughably silly double standand, and I'm really afraid that my wife is going to see it and suddenly come to her senses. So, please, whatever you do, don't send this to my wife! I'll make it up to you by not writing a post about that weird thing you're always googling at work.