Andy Cohen put Stephen Colbert's commitment to "truthiness" to the test with a saucy round of "Plead the Fifth." In the exact game of Shag/Marry/Kill you used to play with your best liberal friends in the early-to-mid 2000s, Cohen asked Colbert to choose between Steve Carell, Jon Stewart, and John Oliver, all of whom you'd marry in a second.
It's no surprise that Colbert wants to make it official with Stewart and shag his fellow Steve, but poor John Oliver.
Gay people don't care for him either.
Now about that fanfiction: Here's the ultimate GIF to keep your creative juices flowing.
This has been your moment of zen.