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    Thanks for trying to understand what it is I do.

    Thanks for trying to understand what it is I do

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    It's wonderful seeing you in person as opposed to hearing you on the phone.

    It's wonderful seeing you in person as opposed to hearing you on the phone

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    I hope alcoholism isn't hereditary.

    I hope alcoholism isn't hereditary

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    Dad, you've always been like a father to me.

    Dad, you've always been like a father to me

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    Son, it's time to discuss the birds and the bees and fucking girls.

    Son, it's time to discuss the birds and the bees and fucking girls

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    Mom, it's time to find someone and settle down.

    Mom, it's time to find someone and settle down

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    I can't wait to nap through 85% of my visit home.

    I can't wait to nap through 85% of my visit home

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    I've started collating topics for dinner conversation.

    I've started collating topics for dinner conversation

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    You won't be this cute forever.

    You won't be this cute forever

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    Justin Bieber is like the little brother I never had the chance to repeatedly beat the shit out of.

    Justin Bieber is like the little brother I never had the chance to repeatedly beat the shit out of

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    I love you slightly more than I love dad.

    I love you slightly more than I love dad

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    Dad's gay.

    Dad's gay

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    This family needs to start spending entirely too much time together.

    This family needs to start spending entirely too much time together

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    I hope I never have to cut you from the team.

    I hope I never have to cut you from the team

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    When I was your age, we had to dial to get online.

    When I was your age, we had to dial to get online

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    It's so cute when the baby thinks it's going to steal attention from us.

    It's so cute when the baby thinks it's going to steal attention from us

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    Grandpop, let's get to know each other better before you get Alzheimer's.

    Grandpop, let's get to know each other better before you get Alzheimer's

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    My parents will be here soon.

    My parents will be here soon

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    Let's grow something beautiful on top of your dead pet.

    Let's grow something beautiful on top of your dead pet

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    Make yourself useful.

    Make yourself useful

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