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    I'm lost and weird without you here.

    I'm lost and weird without you here

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    I got an HDTV and just wanted to say goodbye.

    I got an HDTV and just wanted to say goodbye

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    Have a great time here while I'm on vacation.

    Have a great time here while I'm on vacation

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    I can't decide between vacationing alone or staying home to relentlessly weep about being single.

    I can't decide between vacationing alone or staying home to relentlessly weep about being single

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    I hope you enjoy all the frigid air, excessive schlepping, and near-death experiences your ski vacation has to offer.

    I hope you enjoy all the frigid air, excessive schlepping, and near-death experiences your ski vacation has to offer

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    I'm already dreading having to look at your pictures.

    I'm already dreading having to look at your pictures

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    You're going to love hating living in New York.

    You're going to love hating living in New York

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    Let's have phone sex while I'm gone.

    Let's have phone sex while I'm gone

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    I'm looking forward to a vacation from hearing about other people's vacations.

    I'm looking forward to a vacation from hearing about other people's vacations

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    Have fun visiting an exotic international destination and interacting only with other American tourists.

    Have fun visiting an exotic international destination and interacting only with other American tourists

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    You're welcome to stay at my place for as long as your presence is mostly indiscernible to me.

    You're welcome to stay at my place for as long as your presence is mostly indiscernible to me

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    May your time spent in Florida this winter be more fruitful than LeBron's.

    May your time spent in Florida this winter be more fruitful than LeBron's.

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    Let's plan a tropical vacation we can't afford.

    Let's plan a tropical vacation we can't afford

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    Take Luggage Of Foreigner, No Charge.

    Take Luggage Of Foreigner, No Charge

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    Don't forget to bring your entire wardrobe.

    Don't forget to bring your entire wardrobe

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    Have a great time in the place I can't remember you're traveling to.

    Have a great time in the place I can't remember you're traveling to

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    Looking forward to your return.

    Looking forward to your return

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    May you travel to very different destinations than Lindsay Lohan this summer.

    May you travel to very different destinations than Lindsay Lohan this summer

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    I probably won't even remember that you're away.

    I probably won't even remember that you're away

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    Let's visit every hot vacation spot we can get to on a half-tank of gas.

    Let's visit every hot vacation spot we can get to on a half-tank of gas

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