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    Here's to Kanye West for making every other dad look like slightly less of an asshole this Father's Day.

    Here's to Kanye West for making every other dad look like slightly less of an asshole this Father's Day.

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    Dad, thanks for dating someone older than me during your mid-life crisis.

    Dad, thanks for dating someone older than me during your mid-life crisis

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    Happy Father's Day to a man who has been monitoring my cell phone usage much longer than the NSA has.

    Happy Father's Day to a man who has been monitoring my cell phone usage much longer than the NSA has.

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    Sorry I can only afford the same Father's Day gift I gave you when I was seven.

    Sorry I can only afford the same Father's Day gift I gave you when I was seven

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    You're the world's greatest dad although my frame of reference is limited.

    You're the world's greatest dad although my frame of reference is limited

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    Happy Father's Day to a wonderful husband who no matter what having kids has done to my body still seems to want to nail me.

    Happy Father's Day to a wonderful husband who no matter what having kids has done to my body still seems to want to nail me

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    Happy Father's Day to someone who inexplicably loves signing his name in each of his text messages.

    Happy Father's Day to someone who inexplicably loves signing his name in each of his text messages.

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    You're the best father I can imagine unless you lost my inheritance in the economic meltdown in which case I can imagine better.

    You're the best father I can imagine unless you lost my inheritance in the economic meltdown in which case I can imagine better

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    Happy Father's Day in advance to someone who may be mature enough to have children by age 62.

    Happy Father's Day in advance to someone who may be mature enough to have children by age 62

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    Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.

    Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch

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    Happy Father's Day from someone who wants to have your babies.

    Happy Father's Day from someone who wants to have your babies

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    You're going to be a great father someday by accident.

    You're going to be a great father someday by accident

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    Happy You-Knocked-Up-Mom Day.

    Happy You-Knocked-Up-Mom Day.

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    Dad, I'd love to spend Father's Day hearing why you think soccer is for pussies.

    Dad, I'd love to spend Father's Day hearing why you think soccer is for pussies

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    Dad, I love you even more than I hate expressing my emotions towards other men.

    Dad, I love you even more than I hate expressing my emotions towards other men.

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    Dad, sorry the cute things I did as a kid couldn't be shamelessly exploited on YouTube or a reality show.

    Dad, sorry the cute things I did as a kid couldn't be shamelessly exploited on YouTube or a reality show

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    Don't let the fact that Obama became president without having a father in his life make you feel unimportant this Father's Day.

    Don't let the fact that Obama became president without having a father in his life make you feel unimportant this Father's Day

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    Dad, it appears your lifelong theory about the world going to hell was dead-on.

    Dad, it appears your lifelong theory about the world going to hell was dead-on

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    Dad, thanks for pushing me to become a slightly better than mediocre athlete.

    Dad, thanks for pushing me to become a slightly better than mediocre athlete

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    Dad, thanks for never telling me if you find Mad Men's depiction of marriage in that era to be accurate.

    Dad, thanks for never telling me if you find Mad Men's depiction of marriage in that era to be accurate.

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