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    Dad, thanks for always helping me out financially so I can focus on being an independent woman.

    Dad, thanks for always helping me out financially so I can focus on being an independent woman

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    I love how we don't even need to say out loud that I'm your favorite child.

    I love how we don't even need to say out loud that I'm your favorite child

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    Dad, thanks for not being involved in a nationwide cybersex scandal while mom was pregnant with me.

    Dad, thanks for not being involved in a nationwide cybersex scandal while mom was pregnant with me

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    Dad, thanks for struggling with your homosexuality long enough to sire me.

    Dad, thanks for struggling with your homosexuality long enough to sire me

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    Dad, you're going to love what a reputable retailer suggested I get you for Father's Day.

    Dad, you're going to love what a reputable retailer suggested I get you for Father's Day

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    Dad, I feel much closer to you now that fatherhood has devastated us both.

    Dad, I feel much closer to you now that fatherhood has devastated us both

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    Sorry I tricked you into taking me shopping on Father's Day.

    Sorry I tricked you into taking me shopping on Father's Day

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    Thanks for teaching me how to get laid off like a man.

    Thanks for teaching me how to get laid off like a man

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    Dad, it's still hard to believe you're someone's father.

    Dad, it's still hard to believe you're someone's father

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    Dad, thanks for dating someone older than me during your mid-life crisis.

    Dad, thanks for dating someone older than me during your mid-life crisis

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    I hope this blue-tinted Father's Day card helps make up for the fact that I wasn't a boy.

    I hope this blue-tinted Father's Day card helps make up for the fact that I wasn't a boy

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    Sorry I can only afford the same Father's Day gift I gave you when I was seven.

    Sorry I can only afford the same Father's Day gift I gave you when I was seven

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    Dad, thanks for giving me my first beer and paying for my first rehab.

    Dad, thanks for giving me my first beer and paying for my first rehab

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    Happy Father's Day to a wonderful husband who no matter what having kids has done to my body still seems to want to nail me.

    Happy Father's Day to a wonderful husband who no matter what having kids has done to my body still seems to want to nail me

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    This Father's Day, I'd like to treat you to some well-earned solitude.

    This Father's Day, I'd like to treat you to some well-earned solitude

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    You're the best father I can imagine unless you lost my inheritance in the economic meltdown in which case I can imagine better.

    You're the best father I can imagine unless you lost my inheritance in the economic meltdown in which case I can imagine better

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    Dad, our relationship means the world to my therapist.

    Dad, our relationship means the world to my therapist

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    Grandpop, just wanted to say how proud I am of you this Father's Day for surviving the digital TV changeover.

    Grandpop, just wanted to say how proud I am of you this Father's Day for surviving the digital TV changeover

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    Dad, just want you to know I'm still not above competing for your love.

    Dad, just want you to know I'm still not above competing for your love

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    Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.

    Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch

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