Dad, thanks for dating someone older than me during your mid-life crisis
Sorry I can only afford the same Father's Day gift I gave you when I was seven
Dad, thanks for always helping me out financially so I can focus on being an independent woman
I'd be honored to buy you a Father's Day meal with the credit card you pay for
Dad, I'll always appreciate you sticking around after mom got fat
Dad, thanks for giving me my first beer and paying for my first rehab
This day makes me realize how glad I am you couldn't convince mom to blow you
This Father's Day, let's engage in the stereotypical male pastime of your choosing
This Father's Day, I'd like to treat you to some well-earned solitude
Dad, I feel much closer to you now that fatherhood has devastated us both
Dad, thanks for pushing me to become a slightly better than mediocre athlete
