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    Happy Father's Day even though I'm still pretty sure the dates don't match up.

    Happy Father's Day even though I'm still pretty sure the dates don't match up.

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    Dad, it's still hard to believe you're someone's father.

    Dad, it's still hard to believe you're someone's father

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    May Father's Day be a glaring reminder of your need to start using condoms.

    May Father's Day be a glaring reminder of your need to start using condoms.

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    Dad, thanks for dating someone older than me during your mid-life crisis.

    Dad, thanks for dating someone older than me during your mid-life crisis

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    Sorry I can only afford the same Father's Day gift I gave you when I was seven.

    Sorry I can only afford the same Father's Day gift I gave you when I was seven

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    Happy Father's Day to a man who would have just pleasured himself anyway if mom wasn't around that day.

    Happy Father's Day to a man who would have just pleasured himself anyway if mom wasn't around that day.

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    Happy Father's Day to a wonderful husband who no matter what having kids has done to my body still seems to want to nail me.

    Happy Father's Day to a wonderful husband who no matter what having kids has done to my body still seems to want to nail me

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    Dad, the greatest Father's Day gift I can give is not subjecting you to an awkward phone call.

    Dad, the greatest Father's Day gift I can give is not subjecting you to an awkward phone call.

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    You're the best father I can imagine unless you lost my inheritance in the economic meltdown in which case I can imagine better.

    You're the best father I can imagine unless you lost my inheritance in the economic meltdown in which case I can imagine better

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    Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.

    Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch

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    Dad, thanks for struggling with your homosexuality long enough to sire me.

    Dad, thanks for struggling with your homosexuality long enough to sire me

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    You're going to be a great father someday by accident.

    You're going to be a great father someday by accident

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    Happy Father's Day to my second least embarrassing parent on Facebook.

    Happy Father's Day to my second least embarrassing parent on Facebook.

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    Dad, I'd love to spend Father's Day hearing why you think soccer is for pussies.

    Dad, I'd love to spend Father's Day hearing why you think soccer is for pussies

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    Happy Father's Day to a stepdad whose disappointment in me is so genuine it feels biological.

    Happy Father's Day to a stepdad whose disappointment in me is so genuine it feels biological.

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    Dad, sorry the cute things I did as a kid couldn't be shamelessly exploited on YouTube or a reality show.

    Dad, sorry the cute things I did as a kid couldn't be shamelessly exploited on YouTube or a reality show

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    Happy Father's Day to a dad with a much hotter boyfriend than me.

    Happy Father's Day to a dad with a much hotter boyfriend than me

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    Dad, it appears your lifelong theory about the world going to hell was dead-on.

    Dad, it appears your lifelong theory about the world going to hell was dead-on

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    Dad, our relationship means the world to my therapist.

    Dad, our relationship means the world to my therapist

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    Dad, thanks for never telling me if you find Mad Men's depiction of marriage in that era to be accurate.

    Dad, thanks for never telling me if you find Mad Men's depiction of marriage in that era to be accurate.

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