May. 21st, 2012
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
May. 18th, 2012
My favorite Facebook public offerings are still your beach photos.
May. 15th, 2012
The best thing about you and me is me.
May. 9th, 2012
I want to do to you what North Carolina voters just did to civil rights.
May. 8th, 2012
I love having sex with you as much as John Travolta would hate pretending to love having sex with you.
Apr. 30th, 2012
You sound so sexy when you're not talking.
Apr. 27th, 2012
The only way I'd love you more is if you were me.
Apr. 27th, 2012
I'd like to be the retired space shuttle to your specially designed 747 carrier plane.
Apr. 9th, 2012
Let's not complicate our relationship by trying to communicate with each other.
Apr. 7th, 2012
I would hold in my farts for you.
Mar. 23rd, 2012
If you don't take me to see The Hunger Games you're going to find yourself starving for sex.
Mar. 14th, 2012
I love to watch you listen to me talk about myself.
Mar. 4th, 2012
Please don't interrupt me while I'm ignoring you.
Mar. 2nd, 2012
I love the sound you make when you shut up.
Feb. 17th, 2012
I would like to be on the list of suspects during your next pregnancy scare.
Feb. 17th, 2012
I'm easier than community college.
Feb. 15th, 2012
I had no idea your wife was married.
Feb. 3rd, 2012
The only thing I'm committed to are my commitment issues.
Feb. 7th, 2012
I love you as much as my dog loves the smell of urine-soaked trees.
Jan. 19th, 2012
You would be my first choice if there were no other choices.