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    Love Coupon: Good for one back massage I'll immediately try and turn into sex.

    Love Coupon: Good for one back massage I'll immediately try and turn into sex.

  •  

    I need a hug that results in wild sex.

    I need a hug that results in wild sex.

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    I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

    I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

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    They don't have an emoji for what I want to do with you.

    They don't have an emoji for what I want to do with you.

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    Our genitalia should get back in touch.

    Our genitalia should get back in touch.

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    I'd like to be one of the unhealthy things you put inside your body this weekend.

    I'd like to be one of the unhealthy things you put inside your body this weekend.

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    You're my favorite cardio workout.

    You're my favorite cardio workout.

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    Sex with you is so good that we should celebrate it by having sex.

    Sex with you is so good that we should celebrate it by having sex.

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    There's nothing I love more than waking up next to you and a device to check my email.

    There's nothing I love more than waking up next to you and a device to check my email.

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    Even if it wasn't cold out, my nipples would still be erect when I'm near you.

    Even if it wasn't cold out, my nipples would still be erect when I'm near you.

  •  

    I love you for so much more than just your life-saving body heat.

    I love you for so much more than just your life-saving body heat.

  •  

    I'm celebrating Hump Day by falling asleep on top of you during sex.

    I'm celebrating Hump Day by falling asleep on top of you during sex.

  •  

    You gave me a near-actual orgasm.

    You gave me a near-actual orgasm.

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    I’m jealous of your gas because I want to be inside you.

    I’m jealous of your gas because I want to be inside you.

  •  

    You brighten my life almost enough to offset my Seasonal Affective Disorder.

    You brighten my life almost enough to offset my Seasonal Affective Disorder.

  •  

    I'm terrified of how happy you're making me.

    I'm terrified of how happy you're making me.

  •  

    Someone has a crush on you! (Eugene Mirman).

    Someone has a crush on you! (Eugene Mirman)

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    I'd appreciate it if you started treating me like a sex object.

    I'd appreciate it if you started treating me like a sex object

  •  

    If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harass you.

    If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harass you

  •  

    Love Coupon: Good for one romantic bath together where I promise to take a shower beforehand.

    Love Coupon: Good for one romantic bath together where I promise to take a shower beforehand.

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