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If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harass you

I'm outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios

If there was a Zagat guide for penises, yours would rate high on both service and decor

I couldn't help noticing that you're mind-blowingly hot

I genuinely enjoy any activity in which you bend over

I blame your perfect breasts for my inability to focus during our conversations

I can't wait to see which one of us looks the least like our profile pictures

I'm just a simple woman who wants her salad tossed

I'd appreciate it if you started treating me like a sex object

I want you to sext me with the reckless abandon of a philandering golf legend

Let me know if you're interested in dating a terrible cook who overcompensates in bed

I wish you'd appear in my bed as often as you appear in my News Feed

If you were a pop-up ad, I wouldn't mind if the advertisers purposefully made you difficult to close

I put out

I consider myself a connoisseur on wine hangovers

I think we should just be friends with sexual tension

I'm hot and smart enough to be a pain in the ass

I want to wake up in your legs

You have a crush on me

I promise to fantasize it's you who's manhandling me during the new pre-flight pat-downs

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