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    I love you so much that I would tell you if I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet.

    I love you so much that I would tell you if I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet.

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    We both look sexier without my glasses on.

    We both look sexier without my glasses on.

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    You make me want to pretend to be a better man.

    You make me want to pretend to be a better man.

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    I want to put you on a pedestal and not just so I can look up your skirt.

    I want to put you on a pedestal and not just so I can look up your skirt.

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    Let's hope you are, like most of my lovers, a terrible judge of character.

    Let's hope you are, like most of my lovers, a terrible judge of character.

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    I'd settle for you.

    I'd settle for you.

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    I know we just met but I feel like I've known you since way back when I first began stalking you.

    I know we just met but I feel like I've known you since way back when I first began stalking you.

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    I was attracted to you from the moment I realized how desperate I am.

    I was attracted to you from the moment I realized how desperate I am.

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    It's either you or me that I'm having sex with later.

    It's either you or me that I'm having sex with later.

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    I've been waiting for someone like you ever since I started drinking earlier tonight.

    I've been waiting for someone like you ever since I started drinking earlier tonight.

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    You make me want you to be a better person.

    You make me want you to be a better person.

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    I can't see myself with anyone but you or your slightly more attractive sister.

    I can't see myself with anyone but you or your slightly more attractive sister.

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    If I ever accidentally get pregnant, it will purposely be by you.

    If I ever accidentally get pregnant, it will purposely be by you.

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    I'd be up for drinking enough to tolerate sex with you tonight.

    I'd be up for drinking enough to tolerate sex with you tonight.

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    I'd happily mule some narcotics if I knew you'd be waiting to give me a cavity search in the TSA line.

    I'd happily mule some narcotics if I knew you'd be waiting to give me a cavity search in the TSA line.

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    You make me wish I had an extra penis.

    You make me wish I had an extra penis.

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    I may not have found the right person yet but I'm having a pretty good time with the wrong ones.

    I may not have found the right person yet but I'm having a pretty good time with the wrong ones.

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    I love you exactly the way I am.

    I love you exactly the way I am.

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    I've swallowed so much of your DNA that we now might be related.

    I've swallowed so much of your DNA that we now might be related.

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    You would be my first choice if there were no other choices.

    You would be my first choice if there were no other choices

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