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  • Sep. 15th, 2007

    We're total fucking bad asses.

    We're total fucking bad asses.

  • Jul. 6th, 2010

    We'll be best friends forever because you already know too much.

    We'll be best friends forever because you already know too much.

  • Oct. 1st, 2010

    I have something extremely unimportant to tell you ASAP.

    I have something extremely unimportant to tell you ASAP.

  • Jul. 20th, 2008

    I'm glad we share a sense of humor and an understanding that I'm slightly funnier.

    I'm glad we share a sense of humor and an understanding that I'm slightly funnier.

  • Feb. 21st, 2012

    You're the friend I'd feel the worst about killing in a post-apocalyptic death match for food.

    You're the friend I'd feel the worst about killing in a post-apocalyptic death match for food.

  • May. 29th, 2007

    I will be your friend no matter what you put inside your anus.

    I will be your friend no matter what you put inside your anus.

  • Jan. 19th, 2010

    You're even more dependable than alcohol.

    You're even more dependable than alcohol.

  • Oct. 4th, 2009

    As someone perpetually flailing in my own relationships, allow me to offer some advice on your relationship.

    As someone perpetually flailing in my own relationships, allow me to offer some advice on your relationship.

  • Aug. 18th, 2010

    I know I am getting old when my friends start having kids on purpose.

    I know I am getting old when my friends start having kids on purpose.

  • Apr. 26th, 2007

    Our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness.

    Our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness.

  • Aug. 13th, 2007

    We hate all the same people.

    We hate all the same people.

  • Nov. 4th, 2011

    I appreciate your friendship so much that if we ever got into a fist fight I'd totally try my best to avoid your face.

    I appreciate your friendship so much that if we ever got into a fist fight I'd totally try my best to avoid your face.

  • Sep. 8th, 2010

    I'd appreciate it if once in a while you took time from your busy schedule to call and find out that I am too busy to talk.

    I'd appreciate it if once in a while you took time from your busy schedule to call and find out that I am too busy to talk.

  • Nov. 11th, 2010

    Let's talk soon because I miss you hearing the sound of my voice.

    Let's talk soon because I miss you hearing the sound of my voice.

  • May. 20th, 2011

    This just in: Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

    This just in: Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

  • Apr. 20th, 2008

    If you ever disappeared while hiking, I'd remain with the search party until it started raining.

    If you ever disappeared while hiking, I'd remain with the search party until it started raining.

  • May. 5th, 2007

    I don't mind that everyone thinks we're gay.

    I don't mind that everyone thinks we're gay.

  • Sep. 28th, 2009

    I'm concerned your choice in alcoholic beverages is now based on calorie count rather than intoxication efficiency.

    I'm concerned your choice in alcoholic beverages is now based on calorie count rather than intoxication efficiency.

  • Feb. 17th, 2008

    You're the Oates to my Hall.

    You're the Oates to my Hall.

  • May. 12th, 2010

    If you were dying of thirst in the desert, I would let you drink the last of my urine.

    If you were dying of thirst in the desert, I would let you drink the last of my urine.

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