Sep. 15th, 2007
We're total fucking bad asses.
Jul. 6th, 2010
We'll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
Oct. 1st, 2010
I have something extremely unimportant to tell you ASAP.
Jul. 20th, 2008
I'm glad we share a sense of humor and an understanding that I'm slightly funnier.
Feb. 21st, 2012
You're the friend I'd feel the worst about killing in a post-apocalyptic death match for food.
May. 29th, 2007
I will be your friend no matter what you put inside your anus.
Jan. 19th, 2010
You're even more dependable than alcohol.
Oct. 4th, 2009
As someone perpetually flailing in my own relationships, allow me to offer some advice on your relationship.
Aug. 18th, 2010
I know I am getting old when my friends start having kids on purpose.
Apr. 26th, 2007
Our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness.
Aug. 13th, 2007
We hate all the same people.
Nov. 4th, 2011
I appreciate your friendship so much that if we ever got into a fist fight I'd totally try my best to avoid your face.
Sep. 8th, 2010
I'd appreciate it if once in a while you took time from your busy schedule to call and find out that I am too busy to talk.
Nov. 11th, 2010
Let's talk soon because I miss you hearing the sound of my voice.
May. 20th, 2011
This just in: Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Apr. 20th, 2008
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I'd remain with the search party until it started raining.
May. 5th, 2007
I don't mind that everyone thinks we're gay.
Sep. 28th, 2009
I'm concerned your choice in alcoholic beverages is now based on calorie count rather than intoxication efficiency.
Feb. 17th, 2008
You're the Oates to my Hall.
May. 12th, 2010
If you were dying of thirst in the desert, I would let you drink the last of my urine.