May. 9th, 2012
I want to defriend you on Facebook and also in real life.
Apr. 24th, 2012
Your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you.
Apr. 23rd, 2012
I value your opinion as long as you don't offer it.
Apr. 9th, 2012
I wonder if the women who plan their unrealistic weddings on Pinterest will plan their realistic divorces on Pinterest.
Mar. 13th, 2012
Thanks for taking my advice after someone else gave it to you.
Mar. 6th, 2012
We are at that point in our friendship where you should realize that we don't have one.
Mar. 6th, 2012
I wish I could participate in Hunger Games against everyone who unfriended me on Facebook.
Feb. 25th, 2012
I would delete you off of my facebook friends list, but then you wouldn't be able to see all the fun things I do without you.
Feb. 27th, 2012
I hope your recent bout of happiness doesn't ruin our perfectly good, mutually beneficial relationship built on complaining.
Feb. 21st, 2012
You're the friend I'd feel the worst about killing in a post-apocalyptic death match for food.
Feb. 2nd, 2012
I just called to see if your Facebook status was about me.
Jan. 25th, 2012
It's not brunch with the girls unless one of us is in the clothes from the night before.
Jan. 11th, 2012
I wish I could flag your life as inappropriate.
Jan. 9th, 2012
I'd like to discuss your drinking problem over cocktails.
Dec. 19th, 2011
I promise to never scroll past 2010 in your timeline.
Nov. 4th, 2011
I appreciate your friendship so much that if we ever got into a fist fight I'd totally try my best to avoid your face.
Oct. 22nd, 2011
I know you'll always be there for me when you finally get around to calling me back.
Jul. 14th, 2011
Your reluctance to put me in a Google Plus circle makes me question our Facebook friendship.
Jun. 20th, 2011
Let's remember to never admit we've blocked each other on Facebook.
May. 21st, 2011
You're the Rain Man of digits under 10.