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    I want to defriend you on Facebook and also in real life.

    I want to defriend you on Facebook and also in real life.

  •  

    Your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you.

    Your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you.

  •  

    I value your opinion as long as you don't offer it.

    I value your opinion as long as you don't offer it.

  •  

    I wonder if the women who plan their unrealistic weddings on Pinterest will plan their realistic divorces on Pinterest.

    I wonder if the women who plan their unrealistic weddings on Pinterest will plan their realistic divorces on Pinterest.

  •  

    Thanks for taking my advice after someone else gave it to you.

    Thanks for taking my advice after someone else gave it to you.

  •  

    We are at that point in our friendship where you should realize that we don't have one.

    We are at that point in our friendship where you should realize that we don't have one.

  •  

    I wish I could participate in Hunger Games against everyone who unfriended me on Facebook.

    I wish I could participate in Hunger Games against everyone who unfriended me on Facebook

  •  

    I would delete you off of my facebook friends list, but then you wouldn't be able to see all the fun things I do without you.

    I would delete you off of my facebook friends list, but then you wouldn't be able to see all the fun things I do without you.

  •  

    I hope your recent bout of happiness doesn't ruin our perfectly good, mutually beneficial relationship built on complaining.

    I hope your recent bout of happiness doesn't ruin our perfectly good, mutually beneficial relationship built on complaining.

  •  

    You're the friend I'd feel the worst about killing in a post-apocalyptic death match for food.

    You're the friend I'd feel the worst about killing in a post-apocalyptic death match for food

  •  

    I just called to see if your Facebook status was about me.

    I just called to see if your Facebook status was about me.

  •  

    It's not brunch with the girls unless one of us is in the clothes from the night before.

    It's not brunch with the girls unless one of us is in the clothes from the night before

  •  

    I wish I could flag your life as inappropriate.

    I wish I could flag your life as inappropriate.

  •  

    I'd like to discuss your drinking problem over cocktails.

    I'd like to discuss your drinking problem over cocktails.

  •  

    I promise to never scroll past 2010 in your timeline.

    I promise to never scroll past 2010 in your timeline.

  •  

    I appreciate your friendship so much that if we ever got into a fist fight I'd totally try my best to avoid your face.

    I appreciate your friendship so much that if we ever got into a fist fight I'd totally try my best to avoid your face.

  •  

    I know you'll always be there for me when you finally get around to calling me back.

    I know you'll always be there for me when you finally get around to calling me back

  •  

    Your reluctance to put me in a Google Plus circle makes me question our Facebook friendship.

    Your reluctance to put me in a Google Plus circle makes me question our Facebook friendship

  •  

    Let's remember to never admit we've blocked each other on Facebook.

    Let's remember to never admit we've blocked each other on Facebook.

  •  

    You're the Rain Man of digits under 10.

    You're the Rain Man of digits under 10.

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