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It's not brunch with the girls unless one of us is in the clothes from the night before

We'll be best friends forever because you already know too much.

We're total fucking bad asses

I'm glad we share a sense of humor and an understanding that I'm slightly funnier

I appreciate your friendship so much that if we ever got into a fist fight I'd totally try my best to avoid your face.

I am just going to keep calling and texting you until you understand how normal I am.

Let's talk soon because I miss you hearing the sound of my voice

Our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness

If I were ever to shoot you, it would just be in the leg

I have something extremely unimportant to tell you ASAP

Life would be easier if we were gay

We hate all the same people

Let's ridicule our friend's baby

Let's go maniacally obsess about our lives in a soothing environment

If ever you die from auto-erotic asphyxiation I promise to rearrange your corpse before it's discovered by your loved ones.

This just in: Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

I will be your friend no matter what you put inside your anus

I can't believe you haven't seen a movie or TV show I think you should have seen

I wish I had your hair

If you ever disappeared while hiking, I'd remain with the search party until it started raining

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