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I just called to see if your Facebook status was about me.

I would delete you off of my facebook friends list, but then you wouldn't be able to see all the fun things I do without you.

I hope your recent bout of happiness doesn't ruin our perfectly good, mutually beneficial relationship built on complaining.

We are at that point in our friendship where you should realize that we don't have one.

Thanks for taking my advice after someone else gave it to you.

I wonder if the women who plan their unrealistic weddings on Pinterest will plan their realistic divorces on Pinterest.

You should start thinking about a career for after you lose your looks and your husband leaves you.

I want to defriend you on Facebook and also in real life.

If the economy forces me to have a roommate, you're among the least annoying candidates

My e-mail address hasn't changed

Let's shake on never doing business together

Please be my excuse for not showing up to something

I'd love to share a meal with you sometime

I swear your mom and I are just Facebook friends

I'm offended you didn't think of me first for a favor I'm not interested in doing

Your rap needs work

Your continued success is putting you in a precarious Facebook friend position

I never think of you as Eurotrash

I think you make a great couple unless you're about to break up which I agree might be the best move

I'm frantically rushing home to relax

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