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    I just called to see if your Facebook status was about me.

    I just called to see if your Facebook status was about me.

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    I would delete you off of my facebook friends list, but then you wouldn't be able to see all the fun things I do without you.

    I would delete you off of my facebook friends list, but then you wouldn't be able to see all the fun things I do without you.

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    I hope your recent bout of happiness doesn't ruin our perfectly good, mutually beneficial relationship built on complaining.

    I hope your recent bout of happiness doesn't ruin our perfectly good, mutually beneficial relationship built on complaining.

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    We are at that point in our friendship where you should realize that we don't have one.

    We are at that point in our friendship where you should realize that we don't have one.

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    Thanks for taking my advice after someone else gave it to you.

    Thanks for taking my advice after someone else gave it to you.

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    I wonder if the women who plan their unrealistic weddings on Pinterest will plan their realistic divorces on Pinterest.

    I wonder if the women who plan their unrealistic weddings on Pinterest will plan their realistic divorces on Pinterest.

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    You should start thinking about a career for after you lose your looks and your husband leaves you.

    You should start thinking about a career for after you lose your looks and your husband leaves you.

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    I want to defriend you on Facebook and also in real life.

    I want to defriend you on Facebook and also in real life.

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    If the economy forces me to have a roommate, you're among the least annoying candidates.

    If the economy forces me to have a roommate, you're among the least annoying candidates

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    My e-mail address hasn't changed.

    My e-mail address hasn't changed

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    Let's shake on never doing business together.

    Let's shake on never doing business together

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    Please be my excuse for not showing up to something.

    Please be my excuse for not showing up to something

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    I'd love to share a meal with you sometime.

    I'd love to share a meal with you sometime

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    I swear your mom and I are just Facebook friends.

    I swear your mom and I are just Facebook friends

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    I'm offended you didn't think of me first for a favor I'm not interested in doing.

    I'm offended you didn't think of me first for a favor I'm not interested in doing

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    Your rap needs work.

    Your rap needs work

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    Your continued success is putting you in a precarious Facebook friend position.

    Your continued success is putting you in a precarious Facebook friend position

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    I never think of you as Eurotrash.

    I never think of you as Eurotrash

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    I think you make a great couple unless you're about to break up which I agree might be the best move.

    I think you make a great couple unless you're about to break up which I agree might be the best move

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    I'm frantically rushing home to relax.

    I'm frantically rushing home to relax

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