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    You should start thinking about a career for after you lose your looks and your husband leaves you.

    You should start thinking about a career for after you lose your looks and your husband leaves you.

  •  

    Id like to expand our definition of friends with benefits to include health insurance.

    Id like to expand our definition of friends with benefits to include health insurance

  •  

    Downloading your CD collection onto my iPod is the closest I've been to intimacy in quite some time.

    Downloading your CD collection onto my iPod is the closest I've been to intimacy in quite some time.

  •  

    You're the first person I'd call after a relapse.

    You're the first person I'd call after a relapse

  •  

    I'd like to begin the awkward climb towards our former friendship before I confessed my love for you.

    I'd like to begin the awkward climb towards our former friendship before I confessed my love for you

  •  

    Even when you're in the background, I'll always tag you in my Facebook photos.

    Even when you're in the background, I'll always tag you in my Facebook photos

  •  

    You're one of the few Facebook friends I didn't add begrudgingly.

    You're one of the few Facebook friends I didn't add begrudgingly

  •  

    Join us in celebrating our new home before foreclosure proceedings begin.

    Join us in celebrating our new home before foreclosure proceedings begin

  •  

    I hope the deadening predictability of married life doesn't have you considering the horrifying guilt of cheating.

    I hope the deadening predictability of married life doesn't have you considering the horrifying guilt of cheating

  •  

    If you're ever abducted, I hope you develop Stockholm syndrome so the time passes quicker.

    If you're ever abducted, I hope you develop Stockholm syndrome so the time passes quicker

  •  

    You're really testing our relationship by sticking with MySpace.

    You're really testing our relationship by sticking with MySpace

  •  

    I'm glad we share a sense of humor and an understanding that I'm slightly funnier.

    I'm glad we share a sense of humor and an understanding that I'm slightly funnier

  •  

    Your Facebook friend request was more conversation than we had in high school.

    Your Facebook friend request was more conversation than we had in high school

  •  

    One of us needs to make the first move in requesting Facebook friendship.

    One of us needs to make the first move in requesting Facebook friendship

  •  

    As long as I'm around, you'll always have a source of drug-free urine.

    As long as I'm around, you'll always have a source of drug-free urine

  •  

    I'll never tell anyone you take spin classes.

    I'll never tell anyone you take spin classes

  •  

    If you ever disappeared while hiking, I'd remain with the search party until it started raining.

    If you ever disappeared while hiking, I'd remain with the search party until it started raining

  •  

    I'm offended you didn't think of me first for a favor I'm not interested in doing.

    I'm offended you didn't think of me first for a favor I'm not interested in doing

  •  

    I'll always be a loyal friend unless your girlfriend shows the slightest hint of interest.

    I'll always be a loyal friend unless your girlfriend shows the slightest hint of interest

  •  

    Just a heads up that I have no intention of stabbing you 23 times on the Ides of March.

    Just a heads up that I have no intention of stabbing you 23 times on the Ides of March

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