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Let's protest Friendship Day by having hot, friendship-ending sex

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I simply cannot imagine a way to celebrate Friendship Day that my friends won't think is gay

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This Friendship Day, let's inject some extra venom into our shit talking

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Let's hope by Friendship Day next year we'll be in relationships and have vanished from each others' lives

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This Friendship Day, let's pause to remember how empty our lives would be without alcohol

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On Friendship Day, the realization of who I'm friends with is almost too much to bear

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I'd like to use Friendship Day to reassure you that you're not the one member of our group no one likes

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Friendship Day is the perfect time to not reflect on the friends I've methodically erased from my life

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Friendship Day is the perfect time to thank you for lending me money and to see if I can borrow more

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Happy Friendship Day to a best friend who single-handedly raises my family's suspicions about my sexual orientation

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This Friendship Day, I promise to focus mostly on your good qualities when talking behind your back

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