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    This Friendship Day has me wondering how Tom from MySpace is doing.

    This Friendship Day has me wondering how Tom from MySpace is doing

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    This Friendship Day, I promise to focus mostly on your good qualities when talking behind your back.

    This Friendship Day, I promise to focus mostly on your good qualities when talking behind your back

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    Happy Friendship Day to a best friend who single-handedly raises my family's suspicions about my sexual orientation.

    Happy Friendship Day to a best friend who single-handedly raises my family's suspicions about my sexual orientation

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    Friendship Day is the perfect time to thank you for lending me money and to see if I can borrow more.

    Friendship Day is the perfect time to thank you for lending me money and to see if I can borrow more

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    Friendship Day is the perfect time to not reflect on the friends I've methodically erased from my life.

    Friendship Day is the perfect time to not reflect on the friends I've methodically erased from my life

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    I'd like to use Friendship Day to reassure you that you're not the one member of our group no one likes.

    I'd like to use Friendship Day to reassure you that you're not the one member of our group no one likes

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    On Friendship Day, the realization of who I'm friends with is almost too much to bear.

    On Friendship Day, the realization of who I'm friends with is almost too much to bear

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    This Friendship Day, let's pause to remember how empty our lives would be without alcohol.

    This Friendship Day, let's pause to remember how empty our lives would be without alcohol

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    Let's hope by Friendship Day next year we'll be in relationships and have vanished from each others' lives.

    Let's hope by Friendship Day next year we'll be in relationships and have vanished from each others' lives

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    This Friendship Day, let's inject some extra venom into our shit talking.

    This Friendship Day, let's inject some extra venom into our shit talking

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    I simply cannot imagine a way to celebrate Friendship Day that my friends won't think is gay.

    I simply cannot imagine a way to celebrate Friendship Day that my friends won't think is gay

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    Let's protest Friendship Day by having hot, friendship-ending sex.

    Let's protest Friendship Day by having hot, friendship-ending sex

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