


This Friendship Day, I promise to focus mostly on your good qualities when talking behind your back

Friendship Day is the perfect time to thank you for lending me money and to see if I can borrow more

On Friendship Day, the realization of who I'm friends with is almost too much to bear

This Friendship Day, let's pause to remember how empty our lives would be without alcohol

This Friendship Day, let's inject some extra venom into our shit talking

I simply cannot imagine a way to celebrate Friendship Day that my friends won't think is gay

Let's protest Friendship Day by having hot, friendship-ending sex