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    Just remember that the higher the hair, the closer to heaven.

    Just remember that the higher the hair, the closer to heaven

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    I like gossiping with you because it's the only time I know you're not gossiping about me.

    I like gossiping with you because it's the only time I know you're not gossiping about me

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    Just a friendly note to say that I, and everyone else at work, can see your thong.

    Just a friendly note to say that I, and everyone else at work, can see your thong

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    I'm a devout Christian in that I think wearing Christian Dior is divine.

    I'm a devout Christian in that I think wearing Christian Dior is divine

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    May your age never outpace advances in plastic surgery.

    May your age never outpace advances in plastic surgery

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    You're my favorite high school friend I barely stay in touch with.

    You're my favorite high school friend I barely stay in touch with

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    I want to marry your cleavage.

    I want to marry your cleavage

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    Your plastic surgeon is so good the new Facebook timeline looks backwards.

    Your plastic surgeon is so good the new Facebook timeline looks backwards

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    I will never tire of watching you point out designer fakes.

    I will never tire of watching you point out designer fakes

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    There's no friend I'd rather go hunting for men with, and not just because I'm slightly prettier than you.

    There's no friend I'd rather go hunting for men with, and not just because I'm slightly prettier than you.

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