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  •  

    Sorry your sick day is due to actual sickness.

    Sorry your sick day is due to actual sickness

  •  

    Feel better so I can guiltlessly make fun of you again.

    Feel better so I can guiltlessly make fun of you again

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    Sorry you're feeling like such a pussy.

    Sorry you're feeling like such a pussy

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    I hope you recover from your mysterious ailment that only affects you during working hours.

    I hope you recover from your mysterious ailment that only affects you during working hours.

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    Get well soon because your cough is fucking disgusting.

    Get well soon because your cough is fucking disgusting

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    Since you're sick, it may be safer if we don't kiss and just go directly into oral sex.

    Since you're sick, it may be safer if we don't kiss and just go directly into oral sex

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    I look forward to spending time with you once there are no remaining traces of your minor cold.

    I look forward to spending time with you once there are no remaining traces of your minor cold

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    I need a health care plan that covers the depression and anxiety caused by trying to understand my health care plan.

    I need a health care plan that covers the depression and anxiety caused by trying to understand my health care plan

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    Get well soon so that I find you attractive again.

    Get well soon so that I find you attractive again

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    Wishing you a speedy recovery from your imaginary illness.

    Wishing you a speedy recovery from your imaginary illness

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    Good luck detecting the ambiguous symptoms caused by poppy-seed-sized, Lyme-disease-carrying ticks.

    Good luck detecting the ambiguous symptoms caused by poppy-seed-sized, Lyme-disease-carrying ticks

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    Good to see that your horrible, debilitating cold hasn't kept you from looking at internet porn.

    Good to see that your horrible, debilitating cold hasn't kept you from looking at internet porn.

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    You've temporarily upstaged the office pregnancies.

    You've temporarily upstaged the office pregnancies

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    If there's anything you need, ask someone who's not afraid of getting sick.

    If there's anything you need, ask someone who's not afraid of getting sick

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    Get the goddamn surgery already.

    Get the goddamn surgery already

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    Just a head's up that I'm sick and would appreciate the opportunity to bravely decline your offers of attention.

    Just a head's up that I'm sick and would appreciate the opportunity to bravely decline your offers of attention

  •  

    Could be time for a pointless visit to your primary care physician.

    Could be time for a pointless visit to your primary care physician

  •  

    I don't mind if you get me sick.

    I don't mind if you get me sick

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    Sorry you're having trouble figuring out whether you have a cold or a coke problem.

    Sorry you're having trouble figuring out whether you have a cold or a coke problem

  •  

    Thanks for the unqualified medical advice.

    Thanks for the unqualified medical advice

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