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    I need a health care plan that covers the depression and anxiety caused by trying to understand my health care plan.

    I need a health care plan that covers the depression and anxiety caused by trying to understand my health care plan

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    Sorry you're having trouble figuring out whether you have a cold or a coke problem.

    Sorry you're having trouble figuring out whether you have a cold or a coke problem

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    I hope you recover from your mysterious ailment that only affects you during working hours.

    I hope you recover from your mysterious ailment that only affects you during working hours.

  •  

    Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have cancer.

    Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have cancer.

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    I look forward to spending time with you once there are no remaining traces of your minor cold.

    I look forward to spending time with you once there are no remaining traces of your minor cold

  •  

    Since you're sick, it may be safer if we don't kiss and just go directly into oral sex.

    Since you're sick, it may be safer if we don't kiss and just go directly into oral sex

  •  

    I'm way too sick for work but should be fine for happy hour.

    I'm way too sick for work but should be fine for happy hour

  •  

    Congratulations on Googling your way to a misdiagnosis of terminal cancer.

    Congratulations on Googling your way to a misdiagnosis of terminal cancer

  •  

    It was brave of you to come into work with the flu and give us all the flu.

    It was brave of you to come into work with the flu and give us all the flu

  •  

    Sorry your sick day is due to actual sickness.

    Sorry your sick day is due to actual sickness

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    While I find your religion hateful, closed-minded and utterly ridiculous, you are still encouraged to pray for my recovery.

    While I find your religion hateful, closed-minded and utterly ridiculous, you are still encouraged to pray for my recovery.

  •  

    Good to see that your horrible, debilitating cold hasn't kept you from looking at internet porn.

    Good to see that your horrible, debilitating cold hasn't kept you from looking at internet porn.

  •  

    I won't be accepting any assistance from you during my illness for fear you will one day expect me to reciprocate.

    I won't be accepting any assistance from you during my illness for fear you will one day expect me to reciprocate.

  •  

    Sorry you're one of those people who seems to get sick all the time.

    Sorry you're one of those people who seems to get sick all the time

  •  

    Taking a daily vitamin should help with the illusion you're somehow repairing the grisly damage you've caused your body all these years.

    Taking a daily vitamin should help with the illusion you're somehow repairing the grisly damage you've caused your body all these years

  •  

    Good luck detecting the ambiguous symptoms caused by poppy-seed-sized, Lyme-disease-carrying ticks.

    Good luck detecting the ambiguous symptoms caused by poppy-seed-sized, Lyme-disease-carrying ticks

  •  

    You've temporarily upstaged the office pregnancies.

    You've temporarily upstaged the office pregnancies

  •  

    Just a head's up that I'm sick and would appreciate the opportunity to bravely decline your offers of attention.

    Just a head's up that I'm sick and would appreciate the opportunity to bravely decline your offers of attention

  •  

    Thanks for alerting me to your germ-infested hands.

    Thanks for alerting me to your germ-infested hands

  •  

    Glad you're feeling well enough to smoke.

    Glad you're feeling well enough to smoke

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