Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life.
May your college memories last as long as your student loan payments.
Your future looks promising once you take down all the Facebook pictures that make you unemployable.
Congratulations on finally wearing a tassel on something other than your nipples.
May your finals be as easy as you are.
My deepest condolences on your graduation.
I admire your relentless drive to further your education and avoid real work.
Congratulations on graduating from a school that didn't ask Snooki to be its commencement speaker.
Let's pray this year's engineering graduates paid more attention in class than the engineers at BP.
I'm confident you'll succeed at any job that doesn't require drug testing.
I hope you enjoyed going home Mother's Day to see your post-graduation living arrangements.
Please accept my sincerest condolences on the fateful expiration of your ability to avoid reality.
Allow me to take some pressure off your job search by informing you that no one's hiring.
I think any employer would be lucky to have you if they need stuff looked up on Wikipedia.
I always knew you'd barely graduate.
Congratulations on plagiarizing Wikipedia enough times to earn a degree.
I can't wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at graduation.
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