I hope you enjoyed going home Mother's Day to see your post-graduation living arrangements.
I think any employer would be lucky to have you if they need stuff looked up on Wikipedia.
May your finals be as easy as you are.
If you do well on your final exams I promise to pretend it'll matter at all for your future.
Time to start working for one of those companies you so despised at your liberal arts school.
Congratulations on four years of successfully pretending your safety school was your first choice.
Your graduation is merely the starting point of me watching you get fat and bald on Facebook.
Congratulations on graduating from a school that didn't ask Snooki to be its commencement speaker.
I hope you find a job that pays you enough to drive to your job.
I can't wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at graduation.
I hope your fine arts degree taught you the fine art of being unemployable.
A Bachelors degree is the new high school diploma.
Congratulations on your academic record finally eclipsing your arrest record.
Congratulations on finally wearing a tassel on something other than your nipples.
Let's pray this year's engineering graduates paid more attention in class than the engineers at BP.
May your college memories last as long as your student loan payments.
I'm confident you'll succeed at any job that doesn't require drug testing.
My deepest condolences on your graduation.
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