


Just wanted to congratulate myself on sitting through your graduation ceremony

Allow me to take some pressure off your job search by informing you that no one's hiring

Congratulations on getting through college without getting pregnant

Sorry you'll someday regret having too much or not enough fun in college

Congratulations on plagiarizing Wikipedia enough times to earn a degree

I truly believe your associate's degree will help you get a better shitty job

Your future looks promising once you take down all the Facebook pictures that make you unemployable

Today marks the last day it's remotely appropriate for us to nail high school girls