Just wanted to congratulate myself on sitting through your graduation ceremony
Allow me to take some pressure off your job search by informing you that no one's hiring
I admire your relentless drive to further your education and avoid real work
For a quick and relaxing study break, I suggest screwing me in the stacks
Today marks the last day it's remotely appropriate for us to nail high school girls
Your future looks promising once you take down all the Facebook pictures that make you unemployable
I truly believe your associate's degree will help you get a better shitty job
Congratulations on plagiarizing Wikipedia enough times to earn a degree
Sorry you'll someday regret having too much or not enough fun in college
Congratulations on getting through college without getting pregnant
Your resume sucks
Your future looks promising once you take down all the Facebook pictures that make you unemployable
Today marks the last day it's remotely appropriate for us to nail high school girls
If you're feeling stressed about finals, just remember that corporate America doesn't even care if you graduate
For a quick and relaxing study break, I suggest screwing me in the stacks