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    I can't decide this Halloween whether to go as a slutty witch, a slutty nurse, a slutty schoolgirl, or just a total slut.

    I can't decide this Halloween whether to go as a slutty witch, a slutty nurse, a slutty schoolgirl, or just a total slut

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    Let's decorate our home like the haunted house it will resemble after the foreclosure.

    Let's decorate our home like the haunted house it will resemble after the foreclosure

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    This Halloween I'm going as The Situation if he stopped going to the gym.

    This Halloween I'm going as The Situation if he stopped going to the gym

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    I love you enough to be seen in public wearing matching Halloween costumes.

    I love you enough to be seen in public wearing matching Halloween costumes

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    You scare me.

    You scare me

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    I'm looking for a costume that makes me look thin.

    I'm looking for a costume that makes me look thin

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    I'm going as Obama this Halloween and will very subtly have no impact on the evening.

    I'm going as Obama this Halloween and will very subtly have no impact on the evening

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    If you think you're too cool to dress up for Halloween just go as a hipster.

    If you think you're too cool to dress up for Halloween just go as a hipster

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    If you dress like Snooki for Halloween, I'm going to punch you in the face.

    If you dress like Snooki for Halloween, I'm going to punch you in the face

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    You seem a little too excited about dressing in drag.

    You seem a little too excited about dressing in drag

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    I hear you're going as the total dickbag who doesn't dress up.

    I hear you're going as the total dickbag who doesn't dress up

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    If you want to freak people out this Halloween just remind them a massive winter snowstorm occured before Halloween.

    If you want to freak people out this Halloween just remind them a massive winter snowstorm occured before Halloween

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    I'm certain your intoxication alone will sufficiently scare others.

    I'm certain your intoxication alone will sufficiently scare others

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    You should dress for Halloween as one of the white guys who'll be riding the bench all year on the Miami Heat.

    You should dress for Halloween as one of the white guys who'll be riding the bench all year on the Miami Heat

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    If the economy doesn't improve, we may need to commit real crimes this Mischief Night.

    If the economy doesn't improve, we may need to commit real crimes this Mischief Night

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    I mutilate and scorch fruit for kicks.

    I mutilate and scorch fruit for kicks

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    Sorry your Halloween costume is going to be much more cumbersome and uncomfortable than you expected.

    Sorry your Halloween costume is going to be much more cumbersome and uncomfortable than you expected

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    I hope the Texas Rangers don't lose the World Series the night you're wearing your Texas Rangers costume.

    I hope the Texas Rangers don't lose the World Series the night you're wearing your Texas Rangers costume

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    Be sure to hang onto your hobo costume after Halloween in case the financial bailout doesn't work.

    Be sure to hang onto your hobo costume after Halloween in case the financial bailout doesn't work

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    Halloween comes at the perfect time to finish off the final remnants of our summer bodies.

    Halloween comes at the perfect time to finish off the final remnants of our summer bodies

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