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    I can't decide this Halloween whether to go as a slutty witch, a slutty nurse, a slutty schoolgirl, or just a total slut.

    I can't decide this Halloween whether to go as a slutty witch, a slutty nurse, a slutty schoolgirl, or just a total slut

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    I don't need it to be Halloween for me to have a bloodcurdling Monday.

    I don't need it to be Halloween for me to have a bloodcurdling Monday

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    I couldn't help noticing you spent more money on your Halloween costume than on my birthday present.

    I couldn't help noticing you spent more money on your Halloween costume than on my birthday present

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    If you want to visit a real graveyard this Halloween, just log back in to Google Plus.

    If you want to visit a real graveyard this Halloween, just log back in to Google Plus

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    I'd dress up as Siri for Halloween if my life didn't already entail being asked stupid questions all day.

    I'd dress up as Siri for Halloween if my life didn't already entail being asked stupid questions all day

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    Instead of candy this Halloween, I'm passing out all the canned goods I bought for Raptures that never happened.

    Instead of candy this Halloween, I'm passing out all the canned goods I bought for Raptures that never happened

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    This Halloween I'm going as The Situation if he stopped going to the gym.

    This Halloween I'm going as The Situation if he stopped going to the gym

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    Sorry you were too fat for a one size fits all Halloween costume.

    Sorry you were too fat for a one size fits all Halloween costume.

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    No Halloween costume could ever creep me out as much as your regular attire.

    No Halloween costume could ever creep me out as much as your regular attire.

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    If you think you're too cool to dress up for Halloween just go as a hipster.

    If you think you're too cool to dress up for Halloween just go as a hipster

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    Your costume sounds annoyingly similar to mine.

    Your costume sounds annoyingly similar to mine

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    I hear you're going as the total dickbag who doesn't dress up.

    I hear you're going as the total dickbag who doesn't dress up

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    I've put more thought into my Halloween costume than into my career.

    I've put more thought into my Halloween costume than into my career

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    I'm certain your intoxication alone will sufficiently scare others.

    I'm certain your intoxication alone will sufficiently scare others

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    I'll dress like a vampire if you'll drink enough to make me look anything like anyone from Twilight, True Blood, or any of that other crap you watch.

    I'll dress like a vampire if you'll drink enough to make me look anything like anyone from Twilight, True Blood, or any of that other crap you watch

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    If the economy doesn't improve, we may need to commit real crimes this Mischief Night.

    If the economy doesn't improve, we may need to commit real crimes this Mischief Night

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    If you want to see me look like death this Halloween, just stop by my desk the morning after.

    If you want to see me look like death this Halloween, just stop by my desk the morning after

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    Sorry your Halloween costume is going to be much more cumbersome and uncomfortable than you expected.

    Sorry your Halloween costume is going to be much more cumbersome and uncomfortable than you expected

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    You seem a little too excited about dressing in drag.

    You seem a little too excited about dressing in drag

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    Be sure to hang onto your hobo costume after Halloween in case the financial bailout doesn't work.

    Be sure to hang onto your hobo costume after Halloween in case the financial bailout doesn't work

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