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    Just a reminder you've got plenty of time to plan a disappointing last-minute Halloween costume.

    Just a reminder you've got plenty of time to plan a disappointing last-minute Halloween costume.

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    May your Halloween be scarier than what's actually going on with our country.

    May your Halloween be scarier than what's actually going on with our country.

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    Nothing about Halloween scares me more than how psychotically enthusiastic you already are for Halloween.

    Nothing about Halloween scares me more than how psychotically enthusiastic you already are for Halloween.

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    This Halloween I'm going as the ghost of our federal government.

    This Halloween I'm going as the ghost of our federal government.

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    I'm certain my Halloween costume will make you more aware of my breasts than a pink ribbon did.

    I'm certain my Halloween costume will make you more aware of my breasts than a pink ribbon did.

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    This Halloween, may your Donald Trump wig look just as unrealistic as Donald Trump's.

    This Halloween, may your Donald Trump wig look just as unrealistic as Donald Trump's.

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    The best inspiration for a hobo Halloween costume is to hang out near a Starbucks bathroom.

    The best inspiration for a hobo Halloween costume is to hang out near a Starbucks bathroom.

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    Happy birthday to someone unquestionably old enough to get away with staying home and giving out candy this Halloween.

    Happy birthday to someone unquestionably old enough to get away with staying home and giving out candy this Halloween.

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    Let's dress as opposing political parties this Halloween and end the night with some hate-sex.

    Let's dress as opposing political parties this Halloween and end the night with some hate-sex.

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    May your Lena Dunham costume consist of at least one article of clothing.

    May your Lena Dunham costume consist of at least one article of clothing.

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    Dressing as an iPhone 5 this Halloween may help you look slimmer.

    Dressing as an iPhone 5 this Halloween may help you look slimmer.

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    May your choice for a Halloween costume be less terrible than your choice for president.

    May your choice for a Halloween costume be less terrible than your choice for president.

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    The scariest part of Halloween is the people who work at Halloween stores.

    The scariest part of Halloween is the people who work at Halloween stores.

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    Happy Halloween to someone I trust not to leave me for dead during a zombie apocalypse.

    Happy Halloween to someone I trust not to leave me for dead during a zombie apocalypse

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    If you want to see me look like death this Halloween, just stop by my desk the morning after.

    If you want to see me look like death this Halloween, just stop by my desk the morning after

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    I couldn't help noticing you spent more money on your Halloween costume than on my birthday present.

    I couldn't help noticing you spent more money on your Halloween costume than on my birthday present

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    Sorry you forgot to wear a Halloween costume with easy access to your genitalia.

    Sorry you forgot to wear a Halloween costume with easy access to your genitalia

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    I'd dress up as Siri for Halloween if my life didn't already entail being asked stupid questions all day.

    I'd dress up as Siri for Halloween if my life didn't already entail being asked stupid questions all day

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    If you think you're too cool to dress up for Halloween just go as a hipster.

    If you think you're too cool to dress up for Halloween just go as a hipster

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    Wearing a Lindsay Lohan costume this Halloween sounds like the kind of terrible decision Lindsay Lohan would make.

    Wearing a Lindsay Lohan costume this Halloween sounds like the kind of terrible decision Lindsay Lohan would make

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