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    May your choice for a Halloween costume be less terrible than your choice for president.

    May your choice for a Halloween costume be less terrible than your choice for president.

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    You scare me.

    You scare me

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    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: Bathroom Scale.

    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: Bathroom Scale.

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    Dressing as an iPhone 5 this Halloween may help you look slimmer.

    Dressing as an iPhone 5 this Halloween may help you look slimmer.

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    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: No toilet paper.

    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: No toilet paper.

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    May your Lena Dunham costume consist of at least one article of clothing.

    May your Lena Dunham costume consist of at least one article of clothing.

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    The scariest part of Halloween is the people who work at Halloween stores.

    The scariest part of Halloween is the people who work at Halloween stores.

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    Let's dress as opposing political parties this Halloween and end the night with some hate-sex.

    Let's dress as opposing political parties this Halloween and end the night with some hate-sex.

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    I love you enough to be seen in public wearing matching Halloween costumes.

    I love you enough to be seen in public wearing matching Halloween costumes

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    Happy birthday to someone unquestionably old enough to get away with staying home and giving out candy this Halloween.

    Happy birthday to someone unquestionably old enough to get away with staying home and giving out candy this Halloween.

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    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: We Need To Talk.

    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: We Need To Talk.

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    The best inspiration for a hobo Halloween costume is to hang out near a Starbucks bathroom.

    The best inspiration for a hobo Halloween costume is to hang out near a Starbucks bathroom.

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    We'd be soulmates even if we no longer had souls.

    We'd be soulmates even if we no longer had souls.

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    This Halloween, may your Donald Trump wig look just as unrealistic as Donald Trump's.

    This Halloween, may your Donald Trump wig look just as unrealistic as Donald Trump's.

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    Rest assured my Halloween party will be much less scary and disturbing than a baby shower.

    Rest assured my Halloween party will be much less scary and disturbing than a baby shower.

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    I'm looking for a costume that makes me look thin.

    I'm looking for a costume that makes me look thin

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    I mutilate and scorch fruit for kicks.

    I mutilate and scorch fruit for kicks

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    You seem a little too excited about dressing in drag.

    You seem a little too excited about dressing in drag

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    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: Pregnant.

    Truly Terrifying Jack O' Lantern: Pregnant.

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    I hear you're going as the total dickbag who doesn't dress up.

    I hear you're going as the total dickbag who doesn't dress up

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