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    Sorry the story of Hanukkah seems more made up than the story of Festivus.

    Sorry the story of Hanukkah seems more made up than the story of Festivus

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    Let's celebrate Hanukkah by seeing a movie about a girl who will never be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

    Let's celebrate Hanukkah by seeing a movie about a girl who will never be buried in a Jewish cemetery

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    Happy Hanukkah to someone spending eight days subtly trying to conceal their Judaism.

    Happy Hanukkah to someone spending eight days subtly trying to conceal their Judaism

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    Happy Hanukkah and World AIDS Day to a Jew who somehow has no STDs.

    Happy Hanukkah and World AIDS Day to a Jew who somehow has no STDs

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    Hanukkah is eight days because it takes that long for people to realize it's Hanukkah.

    Hanukkah is eight days because it takes that long for people to realize it's Hanukkah

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    I hope Hanukkah shopping on Black Friday and Cyber Monday saved you money but not enough to perpetuate a stereotype.

    I hope Hanukkah shopping on Black Friday and Cyber Monday saved you money but not enough to perpetuate a stereotype

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    Shalom Christian Books And Gifts.

    Shalom Christian Books And Gifts

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    On this first day of Hanukkah, I wanted you to know that I know it's the first day of Hanukkah.

    On this first day of Hanukkah, I wanted you to know that I know it's the first day of Hanukkah

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    Let's pretend we're having as much holiday fun as Christians.

    Let's pretend we're having as much holiday fun as Christians

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    Allow me to summarize the heroic Jewish uprising against the banning of our religion by mumbling a prayer written in phonetic Hebrew.

    Allow me to summarize the heroic Jewish uprising against the banning of our religion by mumbling a prayer written in phonetic Hebrew

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    Let's celebrate an eight-day miracle in one half-assed evening.

    Let's celebrate an eight-day miracle in one half-assed evening

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    Happy Hanukkah to a Jew who celebrates Christmas.

    Happy Hanukkah to a Jew who celebrates Christmas

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    Let's light menorahs to commemorate an eight-day miracle and because we can barely afford our electric bill.

    Let's light menorahs to commemorate an eight-day miracle and because we can barely afford our electric bill

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    Sorry the closest your holiday comes to a spiritual figurehead is Adam Sandler.

    Sorry the closest your holiday comes to a spiritual figurehead is Adam Sandler

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    Don't forget to purchase token Hanukkah decorations so your holiday party doesn't seem racist.

    Don't forget to purchase token Hanukkah decorations so your holiday party doesn't seem racist

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    Have a happy Hanukkah if you can figure out when it is.

    Have a happy Hanukkah if you can figure out when it is

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    Gelt talks.

    Gelt talks

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    May all your Hanukkah wishes come true even though you're half a Jew.

    May all your Hanukkah wishes come true even though you're half a Jew

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    I want a Christmas tree for Hanukkah.

    I want a Christmas tree for Hanukkah

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    Have a happy Hanukkah, Hannukkah, Chanukkah, or however the fuck you spell it.

    Have a happy Hanukkah, Hannukkah, Chanukkah, or however the fuck you spell it

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