

Best of luck this Thanksgiving to a newly hardcore germophobe
Here's to the tryptophan kicking in before someone mentions the health care debate
Let's celebrate an eight-day miracle in one half-assed evening
Sorry the closest your holiday comes to a spiritual figurehead is Adam Sandler
Sorry my Web browser history scared you
Sorry for what I said during my blackout
Congratulations on your new baby if it was intentional
Thanks for not ditching me in a dumpster
The good news is that she was a cunt