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    Happy July 4th birthday to someone who looks much younger than America.

    Happy July 4th birthday to someone who looks much younger than America

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    This is the perfect July 4th to recognize that our striped, star-spangled flag is only slightly less gay than the rainbow flag.

    This is the perfect July 4th to recognize that our striped, star-spangled flag is only slightly less gay than the rainbow flag.

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    Thank god our Founding Fathers didn't decide to declare independence in winter.

    Thank god our Founding Fathers didn't decide to declare independence in winter

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    I'm honoring America by stretching a one-day holiday into a week of blowing off work.

    I'm honoring America by stretching a one-day holiday into a week of blowing off work.

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    Let's honor America with fireworks purchased from illegal immigrants.

    Let's honor America with fireworks purchased from illegal immigrants

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    Let's take a break from complaining about America to celebrate America.

    Let's take a break from complaining about America to celebrate America.

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    You're invited to drink enough on my roof that it's a bad idea to be on my roof.

    You're invited to drink enough on my roof that it's a bad idea to be on my roof

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    Good luck extending tomorrow's holiday by sneaking out of work early today.

    Good luck extending tomorrow's holiday by sneaking out of work early today.

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    Just a reminder that fireworks look even more amazing when you're not constantly checking your iPhone.

    Just a reminder that fireworks look even more amazing when you're not constantly checking your iPhone.

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    What independence day is about (Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter).

    What independence day is about (Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter)

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    Curious if you can handle the mind-numbingly simple task of bringing ice to my barbecue.

    Curious if you can handle the mind-numbingly simple task of bringing ice to my barbecue

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    Happy Independence Day even if you hate America.

    Happy Independence Day even if you hate America

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    This July 4th, I'm certainly not above a Jim Beam-fueled 'U-S-A' chant.

    This July 4th, I'm certainly not above a Jim Beam-fueled "U-S-A" chant

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    Independence Day reminds me how fortunate we are to live in a country that eschews violent street protests in favor of snarky blog commentary.

    Independence Day reminds me how fortunate we are to live in a country that eschews violent street protests in favor of snarky blog commentary

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    I promise to respect your special dietary needs at my barbecue if you promise not to talk about them.

    I promise to respect your special dietary needs at my barbecue if you promise not to talk about them.

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    We should celebrate this great nation of immigrants as soon as I see your proof of citizenship.

    We should celebrate this great nation of immigrants as soon as I see your proof of citizenship

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    May your July 4th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4th alcohol consumption.

    May your July 4th fireworks cause less personal injury than your July 4th alcohol consumption.

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    Let's celebrate our freedom to complain about July 4th falling in the middle of the week.

    Let's celebrate our freedom to complain about July 4th falling in the middle of the week.

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    This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be unwittingly spied on by our government.

    This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be unwittingly spied on by our government.

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    Happy Independence Day from one codependent to another.

    Happy Independence Day from one codependent to another.

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