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This Independence Day you're invited to my house where a large gathering of people will proudly display their dependence on drugs and alcohol.

Happy July 4th birthday to someone who looks much younger than America

Let's celebrate America by seeing a blockbuster action sequel that embodies everything appalling about America

This July 4th, let's celebrate our freedom to be trapped for five hours in horrifying standstill traffic

Let's enjoy one of the last Independence Days before our complete dependence on China

Happy Independence Day to a 40 year old man still living at home with his mother.

I hope the irony of scheduling your wedding so close to Independence Day isn't lost on you.

We should celebrate this great nation of immigrants as soon as I see your proof of citizenship

Independence Day reminds me how fortunate we are to live in a country that eschews violent street protests in favor of snarky blog commentary

Let's celebrate our country's birthday with a lavish display of fireworks we can't afford because of our country's disastrous economy

Happy Independence Day even if you hate America

What independence day is about (Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter)

You're invited to drink enough on my roof that it's a bad idea to be on my roof

Call me a masochist, but I can't say I would have minded 232 years of oppressive colonial rule

This July 4th, I'm certainly not above a Jim Beam-fueled "U-S-A" chant

I have profound respect for the one sentence of the Declaration of Independence I've actually read

Thank god our Founding Fathers didn't decide to declare independence in winter

Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China

Curious if you can handle the mind-numbingly simple task of bringing ice to my barbecue

I hope the perplexing days of having a non-American hot dog eating champion remain behind us

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