What independence day is about (Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter)
Happy Independence Day to anyone not recently sentenced to 150 years in prison
This July 4th, remember to light your fireworks away from our highly flammable shorelines
Happy Independence Day to a fellow American I hope isn't a Russian spy
We should celebrate this great nation of immigrants as soon as I see your proof of citizenship
Let's honor America with fireworks purchased from illegal immigrants
I'm patriotic in that I sometimes get astonishingly hammered on only American-sounding beers
I hope the perplexing days of having a non-American hot dog eating champion remain behind us
Curious if you can handle the mind-numbingly simple task of bringing ice to my barbecue
Thank god our Founding Fathers didn't decide to declare independence in winter
I have profound respect for the one sentence of the Declaration of Independence I've actually read
This July 4th, I'm certainly not above a Jim Beam-fueled "U-S-A" chant
Call me a masochist, but I can't say I would have minded 232 years of oppressive colonial rule
You're invited to drink enough on my roof that it's a bad idea to be on my roof
