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It's not me, it's you

If you're tired of discussing my nightmarish relationship, I'd love the opportunity to begin discussing my nightmarish breakup

I'm having a breakup party and all you need to bring is contempt for my ex

The disintegration of your marriage has greatly improved my social life

Please join me in celebrating the end of my marriage

I'll be publicly sobbing for the next few weeks

I'm sorry to hear you didn't dump that prick sooner

Wishing you a divorce that's slightly less appalling than your marriage

I'm single again

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