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Super Bowl PartySuper Bowl Party

My Super Bowl party is the closest I'll ever come to cooking you a meal
Super Bowl PartySuper Bowl Party

You're invited to watch the Super Bowl at my place so I'm not the one who has to schlep home drunk on a Sunday night in February
Super Bowl PartySuper Bowl Party

Please attend a thinly-veiled ploy to show off my TV
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

Avoid noisy, expensive, overhyped New Year's Eve parties by hanging out at our place wondering what you're missing at those parties
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

I resolve to stop having meaningless sex in 2010, so I suggest you pay me a compliment or get me liquored up ASAP
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

I want to kiss you at midnight and pork you at dawn
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

It may be the antidepressants talking, but I'm feeling somewhat optimistic about 2010
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

Join us in closing out the latest worst year ever
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

Let me know where you think you'll end up New Year's Eve
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

Let's decide which champagne we're going to barf
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

Let's never speak of 2009 again
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

Let's put significant pressure on ourselves to have a fun New Year's Eve
New Year's EveNew Year's Eve

My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs
Breakup/DivorceBreakup/Divorce

If you're tired of discussing my nightmarish relationship, I'd love the opportunity to begin discussing my nightmarish breakup
Bachelor/Bachelorett ..Bachelor/Bachelorett ..

You're invited to be in the same room as me when I have half a boner
Bachelor/Bachelorett ..Bachelor/Bachelorett ..

Thanks for giving us a legitimate reason to search Craigslist for strippers
Wedding/EngagementWedding/Engagement

Sorry neither of us will be sleeping with any of you again
Wedding/EngagementWedding/Engagement

Please be our guests for some state-sanctioned girl-on-girl nuptials
PartyParty

You're invited to desperately survey the party invite list for at least one other person you know
PartyParty

I'm having a party to minimize my chances of getting a DUI

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