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Though neither of us has entered a church in years, I propose we leave work to spend six minutes getting ashes on our foreheads and 2 1/2 hours eating lunch

Let's give up our worst vices with the understanding that in about a month we'll indulge them with twice the fervor

I hope your Ash Wednesday isn't ruined by being reminded you're going to die

This Lent, I'm giving up fantasizing about all the things I was going to buy with the Christmas bonus I never got

I'm giving up Internet porn for Lent so I'll be needing a lot more actual sex

This Ash Wednesday, best wishes on proving you love Jesus more than you love not looking ridiculous in front of your peers

You may as well wait 40 more days to call me because I'm giving up flaky guys for Lent

I'd consider following Christ if he was on Twitter

I hope your 40 days of shame, penitence, and self-denial are going well

Lent is my favorite time of year to not be Christian

I believe I'm getting closer to God by spending a few weeks not eating M&M's

Lent is when I determine which addictions I may still have some control over

I've begun my 40-day celebration of no longer being religious

Congratulations on Jesus denying Satan's request to make bread out of stone

I'm giving up being a self-hating Jew for Lent

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